Darwin Would Unsubscribe.

Darwin Would Unsubscribe : My quick take on “Houseful 5” (theatrical release)

Some films make you laugh. Some make you cry. Housefull 5 makes you question the evolutionary chain. It’s less of a movie, more of a public service announcement on why we need stricter cinema laws.

Watching this wasn’t a cinematic experience. It was a test of resilience — like riding a rusty merry-go-round backwards while fart jokes and pelvic thrusts scream at you in Dolby Atmos.

Plot? More Like Plop.

Take a cruise ship, murder mystery, fake heirs, AC duct-crawling bombshells, and a revengeful parrot. Shake it up with Agatha Christie knock-offs and WhatsApp forwards. What do you get? Confusion served hot with a side of cringe.

There’s even a giant ventilator fan climax straight out of Jackie Chan’s Rumble in the Bronx — except here, it sucks logic and dignity into oblivion. Nana Patekar has a Marilyn Monroe dhoti moment. If that’s your comedy zone, bon appétit.

Cast: Bollywood’s Khali Baithe Hue Log Association

The ensemble looks like Bollywood’s unemployment bureau assembled for roll call. Akshay grins like he’s paid per tooth, Riteish performs like the camera owes him rent, and the rest wander in like they accidentally walked onto the wrong set — and stayed.

Heroines: Ducts, Distractions & Disappointments

The women are stunning. And thoroughly wasted. The camera worships hemlines and cleavage like it’s shooting a commercial for objectification.

They slither through air vents in short skirts and shorter tops — not for plot, but apparently for plot holes. It’s less Ocean’s 11, more Rat Walk: Duct Edition.

Monkey Business: The Real VFX MVPs

Remember the monkey that slapped Akshay in Housefull 3? Now there are two. Because nothing says ‘evolution of comedy’ like duplicate langurs and a cracked-iPad-grade CGI circus. Ironically, they still act better than most of the cast.

The Masterstroke: Two Endings, Same Regret

Yes, Housefull 5 comes in two versions — 5A and 5B. Alternate endings. Same brain damage.

Agatha Christie must be rolling in her grave, either out of envy or disbelief. I don’t know which version I watched. But I know I won’t be watching the other.

Dialogues: Cringe fest!!

One gem sums it up:

Ranjit to his lawyer in a mini skirt: “Thank you for turning me on.”

The rest are a diarrhetic deluge of thokna, dena, lena wrapped in loud, lazy innuendos. Your brain will go numb.

Overall, This isn’t harmless slapstick. It’s self-inflicted psychological warfare. Watch it only if:

•You lost a bet.

•You enjoy pain with popcorn.

•Or you’re studying how not to make films.

Everyone else, treat your neurons better. Let this one pass like gas in the wind.

Closing Warning: Housefull 5 isn’t a film — it’s a crash course in cinematic cruelty. Watch at your own peril. Viewer discretion isn’t advised. It’s mandatory.